Spine

I always believe that every person has a 'choice' at all things in life.

Whether it is about even chosing to have a choice firstly. Yes, this may sound complicated but over the past couple of years, I've met enough people who first cannot even accept that they have an alternative from what they feel they are compelled into.

So, the first lesson is to accept that you have a choice in EVERYTHING in life. The choice to not do anything about it is again a CHOICE.

It exasperates me when I meet people who do not acknowledge this basic thing.

After you've acknowledged that you have a choice then comes all the other things about what options and choices you make.

The other personal belief I have is that it's all about 'the extra mile'. There are certain things, people and situations that demand and 'extra mile' from each of us. To be fair to ourselves beyond anything and anyone else, it is important & integral that we 'walk the extra mile'.

Walking the extra mile is actually turning into reality what one wishes, wants or desires. It could a stepping stone towards fulfilling a life-time wish or goal or it could simply be standing up for what you believe in. But, growing up means 'walking the extra mile'.

I've met so many people who make tall claims about who they are as individuals, what they 'personally' believe in, what their wishes are, what they dream to do... moment of truth- they fall apart like a pack of cards....

Personally for me, my beliefs, desires, wishes and dreams are somethings that I would walk the extra mile for ALWAYS.

There are many people and many situations in the past that I've walked the 'extra mile' for and the only thing that I've learnt is I am the only one walking that road.

WE all face moment of truths in many situations in our lives and when we do, we forget to be honest to ourselves. And in that we sacrifice not only ourselves but also the people around us- people who have dedicated their time, emotions and lives around us. How can we be so frivolous about that? But, we are.

As each day passes, and I continue to believe in both these things- my faith in people has reduced to almost nil. People who live lies are more commonly found than those who live the truth- truth of their own lives.

Keeping the Faith

I watched this movie this afternoon and I was amazed at how close it is to my real life.... the main difference being the happy ending... :)...

And they say that movies reflect what happens in real life- reel life mirrors real life. Only thing that real life is not always so positive and so full of happy endings...

Who watches them?

AS I've been recuperating at home, I have to admit I am also guilty of sticking to the TV for a few hours in the afternoon and in the evening through the shameful Hindi soaps. Yes! Me! At the expense of watching an episode where the 'bahus of an elite family' spend 35 minutes debating monthly expenses of the household and 1 dispute of how the money should be spent! And I actually sat through it- my mind absorbing the most idiotic of moments. As I look back now, I realized what I did! I wasted a half hour of my precious life watching that episode- yes, I actually did.

I always as an outsider, ridiculed these soaps and laughed at the pathetic minds that would spend hours watching them- all the women in India who feed off them for entertainment.

Where is the entertainment? There is none! And I fail to see how any average mind can even tolerate these things. But then, there is a whole industry that thrives off this and again my mind can't seem to absorb the reality of it.

When will Indian TV see some intellectual progression as entertainment? I wonder if it ever will.

I may be unfair as an urban individual to comment on what defines entertainment for the mass public of India and this fact just made me realize that it is my ignorance that makes me think this way. Obviously, when the mass India is still expectant of basic education then this level of entertainment is valid.

Then, where is the segmentation for entertainment for the others? Why do we have to also be exposed to sub-intellectual level of entertainment. Above it, rely on the 'world' channels to provide decades old episodes of the American TV seriels. Again, sub-standard because they are not the latest either. Additionally, they also expose us to the American culture instead of our own.

WEll, it's funny but why hasn't anyone thought of this yet? Or has, but there is not enough money to invest in it? Till then, guess I can forgive myself for committing the crime of watching Indian TV.

Finally, back onto the blog after a long break. There's so much to write and yet am feeling a block. Like you know your on the highway, but, the sign posts that warn you of the speed limit seem to limit your gearbox from shifting.

In a way, maybe gathering the thoughts is better than random thoughts not leading to anything- or is it?

I know that this phase is a turn forever- whether away or to a destination is the important thing.

And, I won't know till I get there- like always......

I've come at a wierd cross roads again and the most important thing that I know I should have is utmost faith and belief. But, is that what will work?
I don't claim to be strong anymore, actually am a silly weak-hearted person.... finally, I said it to the world.
In my own selfishness to strive for a better life, I may be asking for too many sacrifices from the other. It may not make sense right now to anyone but in the long run I know I deserve ALL.
It's a sinking feeling to know that I am being deprived of what is my right because the world does not percieve me to have such right....
I finally understand what prejudice is.
The ambiant force that hurdles problems at you, in the pretext of being protective about you.
How much can this last?
Does it mean that I will give in to the fate that is decided by others for me?
Does it mean that I do not even have the right to hope and dream of a better tomorrow?
Of a secure tomorrow?
I don't want to make others pay for what is my handicap... did I just call it that?
Is this what I will think of it- a handicap?

Don't recall what it is like anymore

I don't recall what making my own choices about life is about anymore.
And that is the simple truth.
Waiting it out and it just never seems to end.
Need some direction soon, because if not soon then it'll be never.

People advise me on how life is about choices.
I ask what is that? What is a choice?
Is it not doing anything about everything?
Is it knowing that nothing you do will change the current?
Is mod pein kitni rahe jee leeye kya pata
Is mod pein kitni dukh seh leeye kya pata
Is mod pein waqt tham sa gaya
Jaane kaha yeh rastein le jarey hain
Lekin manzil kahin nazar na aye to yeh mod se bhi kya rishta?
Kya rishta?

Revolutionary Road

This movie may not have been enjoyed by many but I saw something different.
There is a message that I can relate to... (here I know a good friend would've immediately cut me off mid-sentence and said, " You can't relate everthing to your life!"- but then this is me).
Relationships are complex situations (?).
I've always opined that they are about:
1. deep sense of understanding
2. constantly forgiving
3. complete involvement
4. focused direction
5. commitment to move forward
6. selflessness
7. and most of all sacrifice.

I was sitting through the movie and could not help notice that most of these things hold true even if our ‘evolved’ societies.. considering the movie is in the 70’s.

Successful relationships last only because of this interesting mix of what I’ve listed down earlier. Any missing element and things continue to be rocky. It’s not like most of us don’t know these things, then why do we always talk about ‘ I want this’ and ‘ I expect this’?

The key is ‘where do I draw the line’?
When do I stop living someone else’s life and start living my own?
When is it going to be about me?

In the state of confusion in the youth today (I still believe I am part of the youth- J), this is difficult to find.

And the soul searching continues.

But on a not-so-serious note- men should take women seriously when they say ‘NO’!

Once again....

At junctures.... of pain, liberation, new things, old things & more pain.
Even though life is a new chapter each day & a new story each moment, some things we will carry with us. Lessons we learn, people we love, & decisions we make.
And with each new experience, the story continues with new twists and turns.

IF life did not consist of so many stories that run parallely, it would not be life.
IF people always knew how you felt, they would never be a chapter in your life but be the story of your life.

I wish there was a way to let someone know that they make a difference in your life.
I wish that what you wanted was as least known to the other.

What is love?
Is love wanting the other's happiness?
Is love wanting to be together forever?
Is love wanting to protect the other from the ugly in life?
Is love giving direction when they may see none?
Is love keeping quiet when needed & letting things go when the other wants?
Is love still wanting a person in your life when all seems to be going wrong?
Is love wanting to run to him when all seems to be going wrong?
Is love where you seem to find peace?
Is love only when it's both ways?
Is love beyond people & situations?
Is love there at all?

Guess life is bigger than love, & love is not larger than life.
That is what makes all the difference.

When did I let go of me?

There are some days when you are reminded that you've forgotten who you originally are.
Over the years, I spent learning, adapting & somewhere I became too nice. I wish I knew that management lessons of giving others the space to opine does not mean agreeing with them, and it does not mean that I have to change my views.
Somewhere along the way, I started living someone else's life... and this year I've resolved to live my own. Let's see where it takes me. Will I become rebellious? Too aggressive? Too opinionated?
Or will I get tired of fighting for my individuality and slip into my habit of giving in?
I'd like to know when I let go of me. Someone once dedicated a long time reminding me in small ways that I had to find me. But, I never could & maybe would but never did for good.
In small ways, in tiny actions, and quck chats I was led to being me. But, when I started swimming on my own, I no longer know how to be me-those small lessons seem forgotten.
Today, finding me within myself is difficult... but, I have not given up. Because, giving up is for cowards. The key is to find my space. And in my space, I will find me.

Hope once again....

It seems the flavor of the season and even before is HOPE. Obama and more... it's all about hope. I just hope that (no pun intended here) that this positivity permeats every negative activity that occurs. Too much to hope for?Each day is a new lesson & mine today was again HOPE!Lost in my thoughts as usual in the train this morning, I am woken out of my slumber with sudden burst of noise & activity.A couple of stations down from where I boarded, a bunch of young girls stormed into the train compartment bursting with energy. Hyper active and looking forward to a fun-filled day, they reminded me of my childhood days.Screaming with excitement & charged with electrifying energy levels, they brought smiles on most women in the compartment.I think each of them was thinking the same thing as I was, flashback to our own school days when life was so much simpler & each day was a brand new start. No worries, only fun!

Hope is in the air...

Rags to Riches

Evey Indian dream is built by hope. Hope to survive through the meagre rations of life that Indians live by. Most are not blessed with abundance & do live the most neutral lifestyles.
Although, I agree that Slumdog Millionaire may have been a tad overdone in rags to riches story..it is not far from representing the significance of HOPE that we Indians have in us.

The story is beautifully crafted around a young man who represents a large section of Indian society, maybe not by his background, but surely by the experiences he goes through. He is the underdog, the guy who has to give up more in life to learn that he will have to fight for his rights if he believes he has them! Most Indians understand life to be REAL- always demanding to give up more than ask for, always being served less than the appetite... Indian lives are not about abundance but about rationing. Rationing emotions, rationing money, rationing food and even rationing space... we urbanites would understand that from very near.

It's unfair to say that the movie represents india as an underbellied nation, because our growth story is restricted to a certain section of society and the real problems stare us in the face even amongst all the "india shining'.

Beyond the actual story, the movie also mobilizes an emotion that some of us may have buried within us- the emotion of empathising with others, the core values of understanding the common stories around us and not being blinded by our abundant lives.

Being an urbanite all my life, the movie made me pause and look at my life from outside and appreciate the most natural components of food, water & shelter. My sensitive side has been rudely awakened by the stories that bring to life the realities of a lot of street children that I see every day of my life.

A small incidence today sums up the impact of this movie on my soul...
I was traveling by train to my workplace & was rudely interjected by a small hand roughly scratching my leg. I was lost in thoughts playing to the music in my ears and did not notice a street child begging me for money. Once shaken from my void, I see that she is accompanied by 2 blind boys who are singing praise of "Shirdi Sai Baba' in a bhajan that I recognize from a movie.
A flashback from the movie kills the positivity in me in that moment because I now KNOW the story behind the lives of these 3 children & many more like them.

I have to admit, the movie has made me human again.